


Until You Learn to Love Yourself

by Plume8now



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Damnit Lance you MUST see how wonderful you are already, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Homesickness, Insecure Lance, Just the seventh wheel thing, Keith's the closest, Lance-centric, Langst, M/M, Mental Instability, My boy just needs support, Season 2 and 3 spoilers, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Slightly - Freeform, angst & feels, but Keith's the one here, can be seen as klance, did you guess my favorite character, everyone cares, everything you want to cry for, keith cares, precious cinnamon roll lance, save lance 2k17
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 14:41:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11716467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plume8now/pseuds/Plume8now
Summary: There was a crushing weight on his chest. On his heart. It kept pushing more and more everyday. It kept hurting him deep inside, and the day after was always worse than the previous one.No one noticed it.His little, tiny human anxiety wasn't important.





	Until You Learn to Love Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> SO.  
> I've been dying in angst with S02 for Lance, and S03 didn't help. So here we go. Don't blame me for what you read because you have your own will and decided to click on this fic. Ah, and this is my first Voltron fanfiction! Inspired by a fanart I drew two days ago on tumblr, my artblog's name is Yumenofude if you're curious :3  
> As usual, thanking my beta BlueFlameBird for correcting my dumb mistakes!  
> Enjoy~ :D

“ _Maybe I'm just a goofball after all.”_

“ _I'm just the fifth wheel. Seventh if you count Allura and Coran.”_

“ _What am I even doing here?”_

“ _I've been doing some maths...”_

 

Lance looked at the ceiling, lying on his bed. He didn't turn on the lights. He didn't feel like having... luminosity all around him. Blinding clarity. Darkness was much better. Somehow, he felt at home in it.

There was a crushing weight on his chest. On his heart. It kept pushing more and more every day. It kept hurting him deep inside, and the day after was always worse the previous one.

No one noticed it.

And he was good with that. He was okay with that, because there was an entire galaxy to take care of. There were entire planets needing Voltron to free and save them, to lead to independence and to the end of the Galra Empire.

His little, tiny human anxiety wasn't important.

He wasn't “The One” for Blue, Shiro was back and Keith was perfect for Red. The first bond with the Lions was always... nothing could change that. And yet. Yet, he lost it.

And he really thought he could, maybe, just maybe, pilot Black? Voltron's head? _The_ Lion? No. Of course not. That seat had to go to the bravest. The good leaders. Like Shiro. Shiro was a natural. And Keith- no wonder why Keith could do it.

Keith was excellent in everything he did. That was well known.

And he-?Lance wondered, how did he happen to get his lion in the first place?

He had felt so proud back then. Blue made him so happy. So alive. Almost valuable.

He was just _borrowing_ Red. For now. He _couldn't_ take Blue away from Allura, she, more than anyone else, deserved the Lion. And even if he wanted to, Blue had chosen her now. There was nothing he could do now. Allura was a fast learner, and way better than him.

Lance twitched a smile.

_I'm just the fifth wheel after all._

Dang.

He'd tried.

He swears.

He'd tried.

He'd tried so hard.

_Why wasn't it enough?_

He missed his family so much.

He... he-

His fist grabbed his shirt where his heart was and he squeezed it, squeezed it so hard, as if it would break his feelings, his emotions, his _thoughts_.

He wanted to go back to Earth, oh, so bad.

He wanted his teenager life back. He wanted his carelessness back. He wanted his pranks with Hunk back. He wanted his fake hatred for Keith back. He wanted to joke around without getting exasperated looks and sighs. He wanted to flirt carelessly, without getting cold store and eyes roll.

He just wanted to be a teenager again.

His other hand hid his eyes, as if he was ashamed of his tears. Which was actually the case.

Lance Mcclain, _you are so pathetic._

“ _Leave the maths to Pidge.”_

Leave everything to everyone. Don't interfere. What could he do anyway? Pidge and Hunk were excellent engineers, Keith's the best pilot anyone's ever seen in their generation, no need to talk about Shiro, Allura or Coran.

He couldn't even cook like Hunk. What a burden.

“Lance...? Can I-”

Lance jumped, suddenly brought back to present. His heart was pounding as if he had been caught doing something insane, idiotic or bad. He stared at the door, now opened, and the slight light coming into his bedroom, destroying his safe place, his dark comfort and thoughts. He, somehow, felt betrayed by this interruption.

Keith's voice broke silence again.

“Are you... are you crying?”

_I'm not._

He entered the room.

_I'm not._

Made one step.

_I'm not._

Another.

Lance cleared his throat, trying to tell him.

 _I'm not._ _I'm not. I'm not._

“I'm-”

 _Useless_. His words died in his throat as soon as he tried.

He didn't think. He turned to the wall, showing his back to Keith. To his friend. To the Black, _and_ Red Paladin.

 _Leave me alone_.

A few seconds passed, and nothing happened. Keith didn't move, didn't turn on the light, didn't touch Lance, didn't talk. All that could be heard was their breath.

 _Leave._ Please, _just leave_.

Keith sat on his bed. A hand, not so sure of what it was doing, touched his shoulder, and that was it. He could have left, ignoring what he'd seen. Ignoring his face drowned in the tears, because that was the best to do. Because everything was so much easier if no one noticed. If no one tried.

“You matter, Lance.”

The former Blue Paladin gasped. Tears came back, stronger than before. How could he say such a thing? How could he just come in here, do as he pleases, and throw words like these at his face?

At this moment, Lance hated him. He hated Keith for finding him in such a weak position, defenseless, dropping his happy mask and leaving himself drown into his insecurities. That was not supposed to change.

Next day, he was supposed to come back, and smile, and do silly jokes again to push away those feelings devouring his heart, just for the day, and getting back to them at night, as usual.

And nothing, _no one_ was supposed to change it.

“You're an amazing sharp shooter.”

Lance's body shuddered. It hurt. It hurt so much.

Keith's moves naturally adapted to Lance's reactions, as if they'd already done that. As if they were both used to it.

“One of the best.”

Warm. He felt so warm in his arms. Something was tingling inside.

“I could have been hurt, or dead without you.”

 _No way. Not you_.

“You got our back. You got my back.”

_Sven got shot because of me._

“Don't step aside.”

 _I'm worthless_.

“We need you.”

_You're lying._

He sobbed. Keith's hold tightened and he felt better. Some of his pain, at least, a bit of it, seemed to leave with the tears.

“More than you think.”

He relaxed a bit, entirely giving up on his emotions, crying in arms, in the warmth of his body. The other Paladin's arm was already wet.

“We need you.”

Lance's hold on Keith tightened too, and Keith's heart felt like falling into pieces.

“I need you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it!  
> Please please please a comment would really be appreciated, such as a kudo or maybe a bookmark. But yall know comments are the best.  
> Thanks for reading~


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